1	Goals for this Class Help Evaluate Your Relationship Enhance Communication Skills Gain Information Eliminate the Myths Develop a Better Understanding Plan for Continued Enrichment Deal with the Whole Picture Develop new friendships and HAVE FUN!
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3	Premarital Sex Sex has an increasing appetite. The Two Become One Flesh Counterfeit Oneness Sex Becomes the Focus Normal Development Stops Real Commitment is Lacking
4	Oneness - Levels of Progression
5	What Makes Me . . . Me 5 Aspects of Who I am
6	Whole Person Intimacy
7	Sharing Whole Intimacy
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9	Communication Communication - An essential necessity
10	Two Types of Communication Verbal - “what” is being said A part of all communication 7-20% of total communication Non-Verbal - “how” it is being said A part of all communication 80-93% of total communication
11	Effective Communication Ephesians 4:15 “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ”. Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”.
12	Speaking Loving communication is honest, builds others up, and is not judgmental. Jas 3:10 Pro 15:28 They will want to listen if you: lovingly respect them attract don’t attack talk “to” not “at”
13	Listening A time to be quiet and respect without judgment or rebuttal. They will want to speak if you: Receive the message Show them respect An Open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.
14	Outward Demonstration Non-verbal acceptance: put down the newspaper/turn the TV off make eye contact open body language Verbal acceptance: affirmation validating understanding
15	Heart to Heart Exercise Verbal acceptance: Mirror repeat back what was said Validate “I understand” “That makes sense to me” “I can see how you came to that conclusion” Empathize “I imagine you would feel…” “I bet that makes you mad” Gal 6:2 Rom 12:15
16	Important Limit the Heart-to-Heart to only one issue. Make sure speaker has a chance to bring out all points surrounding this issue. Listener needs to ask: Is there anything else? Do you feel like I have heard you? What do you need from me?
17	Methods of Change Common Unhealthy Methods of Change The Command – Dominating Influence The Demand – What is “DUE You” or “JUST” The Deal – You do this, I’ll do that. The Manipulation – To serve one’s OWN purpose. Healthy Way Lovingly and respectively connect and ask!
18	Changing in a Relationship
19	Changing in a Relationship
20	Asking for help Take Ownership of the Problem “I” statements No “never, always” statements Example: Negative “You NEVER talk to me”. Positive “I feel disconnected from you and lonely when we go a long time without one-on-one time”.
21	Request Options What will help? Give ideas, suggestions, or requests. Have Realistic Expectations. Don’t set each other up for failure! FOLLOW THROUGH – FOLLOW THROUGH – FOLLOW THROUGH !!!
22	Responding to a Request Give Openly Give Unconditionally Give Cheerfully Give Bountifully Give Honestly
23	Recap – Things to Remember Don’t try and be a mind reader. Listen, ask questions and communicate. Don’t justify or become defensive. Remember the person who feels hurt has real feelings and real emotions. Validate don’t alienate! You are not necessarily agreeing when you Mirror, Validate, & Empathize Take ownership of the problem stay away from “I” statements and “never, and always” statements. Limit the Heart-to-Heart to only one issue Make sure speaker has a chance to bring out all points surrounding this issue. Listener needs to ask: Is there anything else? What do you need from me? How can I help? Ask for Help – work as a team!!
24	God’s Promise With these “Godlines” you can take a wall of symptoms . . .
25	Break Through !! Frustration